Behind the Scenes
by EderNimrais
Summary: The pain of directing just one Agarest War story is a far greater pain when four perverts are together at once, a chicken that wants to both kill you and take out your right eye and many other things that make life a living hell for the writer of these stories.


Rex stood alone in a room with the his reason for living, Summerill. Six torches gave light to the bleak situation that was the fate of the world, whether it would be under the freedom of the light or the dictatorship of darkness.

"This ends now Summerill, parish!"

"CUT!"

At the command of the one word, everything stopped dead in its place. Rex lowered his blade and both he and Summerill looked at the person who was sitting in a chair with the label "WRITTER" on it. The room they were fighting in transformed to a green screen room with cameras, lighting, and other stuff needed to perform a scene.

"Why did you stop it Ventus?" Rex said as the man sitting in the chair adjusted his hair bangs covering his right eye.

"You have the wrong blade Rex, you don't have the Oathsworn. Also, you have your wings out and the wrong wig." Ventus said and Rex looked down and saw he had a carror sword, his hair was its normal dark blonde color and his wings were completely out.

"Oh, hehehe, my bad." Rex rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. He closed his white wings and walked off the view of the camera.

"Idiot…" Summerill said and floated away to his personal room that only his Gurgs and Vashtor could actually see in since it was so freaking dark.

"Alright, we are done filming today everyone."

Ventus clapped his hands together and everyone went in different directions. The director of this crew walked up to a coffee pot and poured himself a cup. He took a sip and watched as the crew was going about their business, mostly relaxing after finishing another story. Ventus looked to his right and saw Lavinia walking in his direction.

"Afternoon Lavinia, I hope your husband is behaving. Want a cup?"

"I'd like one, and no he is not beha-"

Suddenly a giant explosion went off outside which meant the perverts of both series had met once more. Ventus ignored this and pull another cup for the dark elf. He poured her a cup and handed it to her.

"Thanks."

"Yup, so what's up?"

"Ganz, Plum and Dana need to speak with you about the weapons in the next scene for Pink Poison's remake."

"What is there to talk about, we just use the same tools we used last time?"

"I think it is more about the robot army Plum and Qua make, you know, since everyone destroyed every single one last time."

"Oh ya… that was fun watching them going at it with them." Ventus moved his left hand to his respective ear and pressed a button on a ear bud he had on. "Hey Ellis, Alice?" Ventus asked for his two assist directors.

"Yes Ven?" Alice responded first as Ellis followed shortly after.

"Can you tell Ganz and the rest of our smiths that I will be arriving after I have a word with security?"

"Sure."

"Thanks ladies." Ventus turned off his bud and finished his coffee. "Hate to talk and run but duty calls."

"Uh huh."

Lavinia said as Ventus began walking towards the entrance of the set they were using to do the remake of Pink Poison. He saw probably the three last people he would want to piss off standing in front of the doorway to the outside world.

"Galios, Borgnine, Arbol, I assume you guys heard the explosion too?" All three of them nod in agreement. "Just because I imagine you three are bored, you can go hurting for our four pervs and break their bones if you wish." At hearing this, Borgnine smiled and began leading the march to find the missing perverts.

Ventus turned around and began walking to the smith's room where they had everything made from a simple nail to some of the most ridicules weapons Ventus has ever seen. He knocked on the door and heard what he assumed was the billionth argument between the ladies in the room and Ganz. He opened the door and saw a dagger flying at his head.

"AHH!" Ventus dropped to the floor and everyone inside turned to the director of the stories on the floor, seeing his life flash before his eyes. "Y-You guys needed me?"

"Yes, Ganz here thinks we should have the robots have weapons." Plum said but Ganz resisted the idea.

"It would make for a much better challenge then just some robots walking aimlessly towards their opponents like zombies." Ganz said as both races stared at each other as Dana but gave a sigh.

"What is your say on the matter?" Ventus asked Dana.

"I really don't care what we do; I just want to do something instead of nothing." Dana said, not really caring what happens at all.

"You are all capable smiths, I am sure you'll come up with a compromise. Now I am going to leave before I have a blade in my chest."

"One more thing, can you bring Qua here since we need to get measurements on her again?"

"Sure, I'll get on her for you guys, just don't kill each other while I am gone."

Ventus walked to the hallway and closed the door behind him. A blade came halfway through the doorway and nearly hit the man who just sighed and went walking to makeup room. Arriving at the room, Ventus knocked and peeked in to see if any weapons were coming his way.

"Ladies?" Ventus saw indeed no one was throwing things so he walked in.

"Oh Ventus, what can we do for you?" Shernini asked as the director took a seat on a couch. To his right was a little nest that Decimal was sitting in as the two gave a brief glare at each other.

"Ganz and the rest of the smiths need you for measurements Qua." Ventus said as Shernini walked up and looked at him, almost touching his face. "Uhh… is something wrong?"

"You look like you have seen a ghost; let us fix you up, ready girls?" Shernini asked her assistance which were Qua, Apli, Faina, and Luana. All four ladies nodded their heads and slowly walked over to the man.

"Wait, hold on!" Ventus leaped from the couch to the door but Shernini's little pet stood in the way. "Dammit, not you, you damn chicken!"

"Ba-que!" Decimal commanded and leaped onto the director, to the shock of everyone but the victim himself.

"GET THIS DAMN THING OFF ME SOMEONE!"

Ventus shouted, getting mauled by a chicken that has struck fear into the man. The ladies just watched but realized that they wouldn't appear in a story if they just stood there. All five women jumped the chicken and got it from the man who was completely scratched up by the piece of poultry. Faina left go of the beak and grabbed a first aid kit to help Ventus.

"Ughhh…" Ventus laid there, somewhat dramatize by the chicken. "Why haven't we either killed it or eaten it yet Shernini!?" Ventus shouted as Faina was helping with his wounds.

"Decimal didn't mean it, right Decimal?"

"That thing nearly took out an eye, it needs to die dang it!" Ventus said but moaned in pain from the alcohol to clean the wounds. "Thanks Faina."

"Sure thing."

"And now… before I personally make that thing into tonight's meal myself, I got somewhere to go. Remember what I said Qua." Ventus rose to his feet and walked out of the room. He closed it and found a random Gurg staring at him.

"You could have helped me but you just stood there didn't you?" Ventus asked the dark knight who just stood there, mute as normal. "Just go join your master wherever he is please." Ventus said as the Gurg walked off to the room Summerill was staying in.

"Ventus." Said man turned his head and saw Yayoi standing in front of him. "A-Are you okay!?" She looked at the scraped up man which she cast a Heal spell on him.

"I'm fine, what's up?" The spell helped seal the wounds that Faina just previously help fix up.

"I was wondering where Ladius is, I haven't seen him all day."

"Oh ya… he, Leonhardt, Sieghart, and Leonis were having a father-son duel outside." Ventus said, wanting to relax after being the chicken equivalent to catnip for a cat. "I'm actually going to go watch myself, wanna tag along?"

"Sure, I would love to see this."

The two began to walk to the entrance of the studio and saw what appeared to be a crowd with bleachers. Ventus wondered how this was not seen before but decided to let it be. Both adults turned to corner and saw all four fighters were in what could be considered a dirt ring but no one was fighting.

"Yo!" Ventus shouted getting the attention of everyone else who wasn't working today, the fighters and apparently the rest of the Gurgs who were sitting with a cloud over their heads.

"Ah Ventus, you will work perfectly." Leonis said as the other three nodded their heads.

"For what?"

"We need a referee who will not take sides. We can't ask anyone we know because they travel in one of our two groups. Since you have with all of us, you would fill the void perfectly." Leonhardt said as Ventus looked at Yayoi.

"Sure, as long as I get a lawn chair to watch the show."

"Very well, Yayoi dear, can you get the chair behind you for Ventus to sit in please?" Ladius pointed behind his wife and sure enough a lawn chair was there. Yayoi walked up and dragged it to him.

"Thanks, you should go take a seat." Ventus said and walked to the outer center of the ring. Yayoi walked up to Ladius meanwhile.

"What is it Yayoi?"

"Please be careful." Yayoi kissed him on the cheek and ran over to the bleachers where everyone was sitting.

"Alright you four. This will be a two on two fight. The fight ends when one families side is eliminated from the fight. Are there any questions?" Ventus asked as all four shook their heads. "Very well, send up your first fighter teams."

"Good luck father." Ladius said as Leonhardt smiled at him and gave a thumbs up.

"Do your best Dad." Leonis said which Sieghart patted the boy on the shoulder and walked to the center.

"Kick his butt Leo!" Fyuria shouted at her husband with Linda next to her.

"Show him why you are the better fighter Sieghart!" Linda shouted as well. Both woman glared at each other and focused at the upcoming fight.

"Alright gentlemen, you both have done things that have impressed me while I have been with you, let's see you do it once more, shake hands." Ventus said, materializing a microphone into his hand.

"Good luck Leonhardt."

"You too Sieghart."

"And with that-"

Ventus began buy suddenly a monstrous roar reached the area of everyone in the area. Leonhardt and Sieghart were the first to notice that Shernini was running for her life with the rest of the ladies in the make-up department following suit. Shernini ran up to Leonis and hide behind her husband.

"Ugh… what's up ladies?" Ventus asked as whatever was roaring was getting louder and louder.

"D-D-Decimal, big!" Shernini panicked behind Leonis who was trying to understand what his wife was saying. Suddenly, probably the one thing that would cause Ventus to crap their pants was a reality.

"Que!" The head of a giant Decimal roar, destroying the roof of the studio the crew used to make the stories.

"OH COME ON!" Ventus shouted, throwing his arms in front of him. Everyone turned their heads to the director of the group who rose from his lawn chair. "That's it, not only did that damn bird nearly take my right eye but it is destroying the studio!" Ventus began walking past the fighters. "We are having chicken for dinner tonight!"

"Calm down Ventus, Shernini, did you use that liquid again but Decimal get some?" Leonis asked as Shernini nodded.

"Calm down, CALM DOWN!? Do you realize how much this is going to cost to replace!?"

"Never fear, we are here!"

The sound of a old man rang in the ears of the watchees. All heads turned around and saw Eugene, Winfield, Thoma and Niel standing proudly behind their friends. behind the four gentlemen were the three guards that Ventus sent, out of breath form probably a long chase.

"And what, may I ask, are four perverts going to do against THAT!" Ventus pointed at the chicken who tore down the wall holding it.

"We will defeat this evil poultry with the power of the gentlemen!" Winfield shouted as the other men formed a square. "With our powers combined, we form-"

Suddenly a bright light shined from the place the four idiots stood. Everyone opened their eyes and saw they were gone but what quickly noticed a giant robot was in their place. Linda's jaw dropped, seeing what her cousin meant about him holding back. Sieghart thought he was seeing things and everyone was in denial.

"WHAT THE FU-" Ventus began but was drowned out by a speaker.

"NOW FOUL BEAST WHO HAS TERROEIZE THESe LOVELY LADIES, PREPARE TO MEET YOUR END!" Eugene spoke on the speaker of the robot and everyone saw that the four men were in the head of the thing. "KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN SOMEONE BRINGS HARM TO AN INNOCENT LADY!" And thus the robot began running to the giant chicken and the two began wrestling on the studio.

"I give up…" Ventus simply said and fell backwards on the dirt and laid there. Rex walked up to the man and looked down at him.

"You okay?"

"Just… leave me to slowly die in peace…" Ventus said, wishing this was not happening to him. Murmina walked up to her husband and looked down at the fallen man.

"Is he okay Rex?"

"I suggest we leave him be, I think he has been experiencing the worst of this."

* * *

**Author's Notes – **And thus you know the kind of things that happen when I write these stories. Most of you are probably wondering why I would write something that breaks down the fourth wall so hard. Well, today is my birthday and I figured why not go crazy with this. Also, you can probably tell what my next project is.


End file.
